I think I know how HE felt.

Well this morning I am extremely tired. It is not only from lack of sleep but it is emotional tiredness. For those of you who have been around Baylee, and even those strangers in passing will always say " She is such a happy, beautiful, smiley baby." Well, yesterday unfortunately was not the case.

For the last week Baylee just hasn't quite been herself. She hasn't had much of an appetite, had a little bit of diarhea and fussy sometimes, but smiley and happy most times. So of course I just thought it was teething. Until yesterday. Over the weekend I called the Doctor with a concern that I thought she might have a bladder infection. When I had told the doctor concerns of what was mentioned above and now some other concerns that I won't go into detail about, I thought it might be a bladder infection. Well the Doctor told me she didn't think it was that if Baylee hasn't had any fevers. Which that she hadn't had until yesterday. Baylee had a fever of 103 all day. She slept on me pretty much all day and was some what lethargic and just not herself. There were times she would try to play and talk for about five minutes or so but then she would lay down on the floor. I tried to wait it out to see if she would break her fever but John really felt that I should take her into see what was going on.

Well they could only do an after hours visit. So I took her in at 5:00 and was there until almost 7 pm. After looking her over the Doctor said everything looks fine. Ears, throat, Chest, Stomach. But the Doctor was concerned that she had this high of a fever with no explanation. I had told her that Baylee is peeing but not as much as she should and so the doctor ordered her to get a urinalysis test. Which unfortunately meant that they would have to put a catheter up her to get a clean catch. Anyone who has had a catheter knows that they are very uncomfortable.

Me and another nurse had to hold Baylee down while the Doctor cleaned the area and stuck a what seemed to be a big tube for a baby up her to get some urine to test. As I was holding Baylee and trying to comfort and console her she was screaming and crying. Then I started to cry a little bit, because there was nothing I could do for my precious little beautiful, happy and smiley baby. I think at that moment I felt on a much smaller scale, how God must have felt to watch our Savior suffer in Gethesemane. I hope that doesn't sound sacreligious and I don't want to make this a bigger thing than it needs to be. I just felt so helpless and new that I had to let her go through that so that they could find out what was going on with her, so they could better assess her situation and hopefully make her feel better.

Well they screened the urine at the office and couldn't see anything noticably but that she was starting to get dehydrated. So I have to push fluids on her and wait until they get the results back from the Lab on Wed. If her fever spikes to 104-105 then I am too take her into the hospital. And if it hasn't gone down by Wed I have to take her in to get Blood work. If they results come back normal than unfortunatly it is the dreaded Viral infection where you can't do anything but let it run its course. Which would suck if it was viral because then it would seem she went through that pain for nothing.

I love my little girl so much and I just want to protect her from everything. I know that isn't possible and that she has to go through things to learn and grow. I just hope that she gets back to herself very soon. John had to work all day yesterday and didn't get home until 9:30 last night. It was so cute to see Baylee. As soon as she saw her Daddy she put her arms out for him and just wanted to hug him. He laid down with her for a while and they slept. Then I took over so that John could get some good rest for today. He won't get off work until 11:00 tonight. Long story I know but I thought I would just share how I felt.